I always will
by PBlove
Summary: Right after Blakes marriage to Ryan. Filming season 6. Penn and Blake
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

It was the beginning of September and they were only halfway done filming their last season of Gossip girl. For some reason unknown to Penn, the producers decided to give the entire cast a long weekend, so he decided to fly out to LA and meet up with his girlfriend Zoe.

The weekend had gone by slowly, Zoe was filming, and he had nothing to do. It was Monday morning and he had a flight back to the city that afternoon. He decided to go by his favorite coffee place in LA before heading to the airport. As he stepped out of the elevator and into the hotel lobby, he saw paparazzi crowding outside the exit to the hotel. He looked around the lobby, assuming that they weren't there for him, for the only time he got attacked by paparazzi was when he was dating Blake. But times have changed, and he wasn't with her anymore. Presuming that they were there for someone else, he stepped out into the sea of cameras, hoping they would ignore him and get out of his way. That was not the case.

"Penn, Penn, over here!"

"Penn, look this way!"

"Penn how do you feel about recent events?"

Penn rolled his eyes, it was probably just some lame rumor that had no truth to it. He didn't care. He kept walking, trying to push through the crowd.

"Penn, what are your thoughts on Blake's surprise wedding to boyfriend of one year, Ryan Reynolds?"

He stopped dead in his tracks. It couldn't be true; it was probably just a stupid rumor. Blake wouldn't do that. He knew how badly she wanted a family, but Ryan was so much older and he already failed at marriage once. Paparazzi come up with fake rumors all the time; this had to be one of them.

He shut out the paparazzi and kept walking.

After ditching the paparazzi, Penn finally reached the coffee shop, but he couldn't what they had said out of his head. What if she was actually married? Why should he care, they had broken up. He was with Zoe now, and he really cared about her. Unable to resist, he picked up his phone and dialed a number.

"Hello?"

"Hey, uh, so uh how's your um long weekend?" Penn stuttered nervously.

"Hey Penn, so I am guessing you heard the news."

"So it's true…" Penn was in shock, he shouldn't care this much, but he was angry, at her, at himself, at Ryan, and he had no idea why.

"Yeah, look Penn, I think she wanted to tell you, but she was scared. I think she still misses you, but she's really happy right now."

"Alright, thanks Leighton, I'll see you tomorrow." Penn hung up the phone. He only wanted her to be happy, and she was. With that, he grabbed his coffee and headed to the airport, forgetting to say goodbye to Zoe.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

"Congratulations Blake!" the entire cast and crew wished her well her with a ginger ale toast. Blake smiled shyly; she hated being the center of attention. She scanned the room, looking for the one person she wanted to see most. Finally, her eyes met the deep brown ones that she had gotten lost in so many times. He walked over to her.

"Hey, congratulations," Penn said, pulling her in for a quick hug, inhaling that sweet strawberry smell he loved for so many years.

"Thank you," Blake smiled sadly, "I'm sorry I didn't tell you, I just, I didn't know what to say, or how to say it, and I should have, but -" He cut her off.

"Blake, its fine, I understand, I'm just glad you're happy." Penn gave her one last smile before walking away.

She couldn't help but feeling a little sad as he walked away, she thought he would at least have been a little upset by her marriage, but he seemed unaffected, as if he didn't care at all. She wasn't trying to hurt him, and she was a married woman now, but she and Penn shared a big love, and she was heartbroken when they ended it.

_Flashback_

"Hey Penn, I'm home!" Blake walked into their apartment. They had moved in together about a year ago, and although she still had her old apartment, she spent all of her time here.

"Anyone home?" Blake called out into the seemingly empty apartment.

She walked over to the counter and put down her bags and purse and pulled out her phone.

"Hello"

"Hey babe, its me, where are you?" Blake asked while unloading the groceries.

"Down at the gym, I'll be up in 20"

"Ok, see you soon, love you" Blake hung up the phone. She walked over to the couch and turned on the cooking channel, waiting for Penn to come home.

20 minutes later, Blake heard the door to their apartment unlock and she turned to find Penn walking in. She got up and walked over to him, wrapping her arms around his neck.

"Hey, I missed you." She whispered into his ear.

Penn smiled, and kissed her cheek, "I missed you too, how was your day?"

Blake pulled away from her hug and walked back to the couch, Penn followed.

"Super boring, Leigh and I went out to lunch, but after that I just did some shopping and came back here, how about you?"

"Chace, Ed, and I went out for lunch too, Ed gave us some big news," Blake raised her eyebrows, waiting for him to continue, "He is planning on proposing to Jess tonight!"

Blake grinned, "Oh my gosh, I knew it! I hope she says yes, she has too! Aw that it so cute!"

Penn smiled at how excited she got. He pulled her closed and grazed his lips across hers, he could feel her smile on his lips and it made him smile too.

"So what's for dinner?" Penn asked, knowing Blake probably already had something planned.

"I was thinking we could have pasta with pesto, cause its quick and I am starving!"

"Sounds delicious!" Penn grinned and pulled her in for another quick kiss.

After dinner, they made their way to bed. Blake brushed her teeth and washed her face while Penn took a quick shower. Blake pulled on one of Penn's old shirts and waited in bed for him to finish.

He came out of the bathroom in just sweats and got under the covers, snuggling up to Blake. She put her head on his bare chest, listening to his heart beat.

"I love you." Penn said as he stroked her hair.

"I love you too," she sat up, kissing his neck, then his ear, "so much."

Penn smiled, pulling her on top of him; he put his hand on the back of her neck, and pulled her in for a deep kiss. Blake parted her lips and his tongue explored her mouth. He placed his hands on her hips and she wrapped her arms around his neck, one hand in his hair.

"Penn," Blake pulled away, "Do you think, umm, we uh –"

"What is it, what's wrong?" Penn asked, concerned.

"I was just thinking about what you said earlier about Ed and Jess, and I realized, we have been together longer than them, and I was thinking about our future. And I love you, so so much, and I don't want to sound pushy or anything, but I really want to get married." Blake looked away, clearly embarrassed at what she had just blurted out.

"Babe, we are so young, we don't need to get married, I love you so much, but we are too young to get married, maybe someday." Penn was confused; they had never talked about marriage before.

"But I want to get married, I want to have kids, and I want to have them with you, only you." Blake's eyes started to fill with tears.

"Kids? We are only 23 years old! And I don't want to get married!" Penn exclaimed, Blake turned away, crying, "Shit, that isn't what I meant, I mean, I don't want to get married yet, maybe in a few years, but its just too early."

"Why can't we get married now, I will love you just as much in 5 years, time won't change anything!" Blake was now sobbing.

"Blake, I'm not ready, please look at me" Penn put his hand on her shoulder, she shook him off, but turned back to face him.

"Will you ever be ready?" Blake asked in between sobs, not sure if she wanted to know the answer.

"Blake, I love you right now, isn't that what matters?"

"Penn I-I need to know, please, just tell me."

"I don't know."

Blake got up, sobs shaking her body, grabbed her coat and left.

If Penn loved her, he would stop her, he would come after her, Blake thought.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

"So, you-you can stay, or you don't have to, you can go too, or you can stay, whatever you want."

Penn leaned forwards, tenderly grazing his lips across hers. The feeling of her soft lips touching his made him linger a second or two longer before pulling away.

"That's what I uh, what I- I um want." Penn stumbled through his line, unable to focus with the burning sensation that her lips left on his.

"Cut! Come on Penn, the kiss was too long, and you messed up your lines, AGAIN! I know you're better than that!" Their director was starting to get annoyed with the numerous takes that this scene was taking.

"Sorry Norman, I just have a lot on my mind." Penn made up an excuse.

"Look, why don't we call it a day and you guys go home and get some rest, but be ready for tomorrow. I do not want to spend all day on this scene."

Penn nodded his head and got up off the couch, heading towards the exit of the set.

"Hey, Penn, wait up!" Blake called from behind him.

Penn stopped and waited, wondering what she could want. He wanted to get out of there as quick as possible, being in the same room was hard for him, and kissing her knowing she wasn't his was even harder.

"Do you maybe want to grab a bite to eat? I am famished and it's been a long day," Blake asked, hoping they could talk.

"Oh, uh, I'm sorry Blake, I'm really tired and I should probably just go home, get some rest."

"Oh yeah, of course, maybe some other time, I was just thinking we could talk, I've really missed you," Blake looked away from him, feeling a little bit hurt by his rejection and a little bit embarrassed by her confession.

Penn gave her a small sad smile, and nodded, "Yeah, maybe tomorrow?"

"Sounds good, I'll see you then." Blake looked up at him, into his soft brown eyes, and surprised him by pulling him close and giving him a small hug. She breathed in his familiar musky scent before pulling away and heading towards the exit.

"Oh and Blake," Penn said as she was walking out the door, "I really missed you too."

* * *

"So, uh, how's Ryan?" Penn asked uncomfortably, as much as he didn't want to know about Ryan, it was the polite thing to do. They had met up for a quick dinner after going to set and struggling to finish filming the scene from the day before.

"Oh, he's good, he's away a lot making movies, how is Zoe?" Blake had never liked Zoe, as much as she hated to admit it, she occasionally checked gossip websites about Penn and she saw that Zoe had gotten him back into smoking. In Blake's opinion, Zoe was bad for him.

"Hm? Oh Zoe, yeah she's away a lot too, working."

"You know, I don't think I ever fully appreciated our relationship," Blake smiled shyly, "being able to do my job and see you at the same time, it was special."

"Yeah, it really was," An awkward silence came between them as they remembered what life was like 3 years ago when they were together. It was so easy then, it was the happiest time of their lives. As much as Blake thought she loved Ryan, she knew that no one would ever fully replace Penn.

Blake turned away, looking out the window and saw that it was beginning to downpour, lightening flashing across the sky.

"Ah, oh no, the storm wasn't supposed to start till late tonight! No no no! I am never going to get home." Blake was planning on having her driver pick her up and drive her home, but there was no way she was going to make him drive all the way back to Bedford in this weather.

"Uh, well, my place is just around the corner, so if uh you wanna crash there tonight, you can, I mean, you don't have to, I wouldn't want you to feel uncomfortable, but whatever you want," Penn turned a little red, its not like she hadn't been to his place before, but she hadn't been there since the night that they had broken up, and he didn't know if he was making an appropriate offer.

Blake smiled, "Are you sure? I mean I could probably just get a hotel room for the night."

Penn shook his head, "No it's fine, my place is so close, and you'd probably get mobbed by paparazzi trying to get a hotel room."

"Thank you so much Penn, I really appreciate it." Blake bit her lip, holding back the excitement she probably shouldn't have been feeling.


	4. Chapter 4

Blake's excitement turned into nervousness as she watched him stick the key in the lock. She hadn't been there since the night they broke up. It had been about 4 years and the place still held memories; some of the happiest times of her life were in this apartment.

"Come on in," Penn stepped aside to let her in before him. He could see the apprehensive look on her face, he knew she might be uncomfortable given that the last time she was in his apartment they had had their huge fight that ended their relationship.

Blake walked through the door and looked around the apartment, and a smile crept onto her face.

"It is really exactly the same, literally nothing has changed, you even still have those ugly drapes," Blake commented giggling.

"Hey, no making fun of the drapes, my mom gave them to me," Penn smiled.

"Speaking of, how is Lynn?" Blake and Lynn were really close when Penn and Blake had been dating, Lynn adored Blake, but after the break up they had lost touch.

"She's doing well, she misses you," Blake smiled sadly, she missed Lynn too, she missed her old life, the one she had with Penn, but there was no going back. She was a married woman and she was happy, Ryan was nice to her and she had always wanted to be married, and now she was. Part of her sometimes wondered what would have happened if she had waited for Penn, would he be ready now? But, she was married to Ryan, and she was content.

"So, uh, do you want anything to eat or drink?" Penn looked around the apartment trying to find some food or something to drink.

"I'm not hungry, we just had dinner remember?" Blake smirked, "But something to drink would be great."

Penn went into the cabinet and took out a bottle of wine, poured her a glass, and handed it to her.

Taking a sip, Blake smiled, "How did you remember?"

Penn looked away, "I've had it since you left, it was the only kind of wine you would drink."

Blake turned a shade of red, "I just would have assumed you, or um Zoe would have drank it, or gotten rid of it."

"Zoe doesn't live here, and I couldn't get rid of it."

Blake looked into his eyes before tearing her gaze away. Penn and her had moved in together not even two months after they first started dating, she had been spending all of her time.

_Flashback_

Sitting on the plane, landing after their vacation in Mexico, Blake had never felt happier in her life. The trip had been amazing, mind-blowing in fact. She had always had a crush on Penn, at least since they first met, and her feelings developed tremendously after dating him for a short while, thinking she was falling in love, but their vacation changed everything. She was 100% sure that she was absolutely positively in love with him.

She also felt sure that things couldn't get any better.

After landing and getting their bags, Penn hailed a cab for them.

When they felt the cab come to a stop, Blake got ready to say goodbye, if only for a day, she would miss him like it were for a year. As she stepped out of the cab, she realized she wasn't at her apartment building, but Penn's.

"Penn.. what's going on?" She asked confused.

Penn smirked, "Blake, I know that we have only been dating for two months, but I've never felt this way with anyone before," he took a breath, "I was hoping, will you move in with me." He shut his eyes, not wanting to see her face as he asked this possibly destructive question.

Blake was silent.

He started shaking his head, "If it's too fast, I completely understand, you really don't have to, not that I don't want you here, I really do, but if it doesn't feel right to you…"

"Yes, yes yes yes! Of course I will move in with you" Blake jumped into Penn's arms, hugging him as he spun her around.

"Oh thank god, because I already had all your stuff moved here," Penn said grinning.

Blake pulled back, gave him the biggest smile she could, before leaning back in and pressing her lips against his.


End file.
